The Gray Bar Hotel

My experience at the gray bar hotel was surreal, tragic, terrifying and at-times hilarious too. I’ll start with the funny stuff first because who doesn’t love a good laugh.

By the time I went through the booking process and was instructed to get my cot and go to what would be my new home for the next four days, it was late into the evening and all the lights were out.  My contacts were so dry, but I was afraid to take them out because I’m legally blind. I was terrified that I would lose one and I didn’t have my glasses.

There were two women sleeping on the bottom bunks and a woman sleeping on the floor. I could barely see and all I could think standing there with my blue folded up cot was that if I even tried to get up to the top bunk in the dark that, with my luck and clumsiness, I’d likely fall or step on someone’s head…and up to this point in my 48 years of life…all I knew about jail and people in jail  was from Shawshank Redemption, 60 days-in and of course…Love after lock-up!

Since I was pretty sure that Morgan Freeman wasn’t going to pop out of the corner , be my friend , and help me start carving an escape hatch through the wall …I decided that it was best just to find a corner on the floor, be still like a statue, quiet as a mouse and not move until morning.  Maybe, I’d be lucky and they wouldn’t even notice that I was there.

Jail lights came on promptly at 6am the next morning. They serve food and drink not too long after this. It’s served through a little hole in your cell and we ate in our cell. They only let people out one hour in the morning, one hour in the afternoon and one hour in the evening due to covid.

By now, I accepted my then current reality. My mom always taught me to make the best of any situation. I shed no tears and was extraordinarily calm. I was in survival mode and I was going to figure out how to do this jail thing. I knew that I wasn’t going anywhere for awhile so I decided to embrace this as some kind of twisted gift and spend my time getting to know these ladies. Maybe if they like me, they wouldn’t kick my ass like I saw in the movies. 😳

We talked a lot over the four days I was there. I actually got to know these women deeply and I will share more about this later.

There were a few books scattered on the floor …one of the girls, Katy,  was reading a book the first morning I was there and I asked if there was a library. She laughed and said  “you’re cute”. I was confused because Shawshank had a huge library …why wouldn’t this jail have that too! 🤣 Katy pointed outside of our cell down to the main general  floor and I guess our library was a two shelf cart with wheels 🤓. Although it felt like I was in a movie, this was not at all like the movies! And most of the pages were ripped out of the good books too..and it was usually the ending part that was missing!

So later that Saturday morning, I’m not sure if it was because I asked where the library was or that my tapes from my hair extensions were showing or that I asked if they would bring coffee in the morning…or needed reassurance that evidently, when referred to as “b&tch”, this is a term of endearment but finally Katy asked me “may I ask why you are here”. I had to tell her it was for an alleged pushing incident.

Then, at that very moment, all three women looked me up and down. And then they simultaneously burst out laughing. I felt like the laughter was a little unnecessary. I mean, they didn’t know me..I could have been hard core like Will Farrell in Get Hard! On second thought , as I write this, that probably explains the laughter. 🤣

And then , Rythym, a 20 year old girl sharing this space with the three of us smiled from ear to ear and she said “hey look, none of us REALLY belong here, but your BOUGIE ass definitely doesn’t belong here!” And then she promptly fixed my hair and braided it so tight that it didn’t need a pony holder to keep my extensions in place (they take everything including hair ties) and she even made sure the tapes for my hair extensions didn’t show too! 🤣

These three women would become a beacon of light for me in an otherwise very dark situation.  They realized that I was way outside any reality that I had ever known  and so they stayed close to me when we were in the general area keeping an eye on me,  showing me how to use the phone and helped me navigate a situation that was completely foreign to me. One of the women even shared her much coveted sour creaM and onion potato chips with me.  I did add some value and taught them all how to use a maxi pad and a face mask for a night mask over their eyes to keep the jail light out! 🤣. I think about how that must have looked too with us four women and these night masks on and it cracks me up still!  🤣

Part of me felt shame because these were women where if I saw them in my regular life…I’d likely walk by them and probably not notice them, or worse, purposely not make eye contact with them.  This was humbling and a big reality check for me. I’ve been a straight up asshole at times.

By Monday, the last day that I was there, Katy told me that while the circumstances were unfortunate with how we met, she was glad I was there because I made the time go by much faster for her during the four days I was there. We did a lot of laughing , a few tears were shed too…though Katy also did give me big props for my outlook and perspective …and was surprised that I didn’t bawl my eyes out at all like the other girl who had been there the night before me and disrupted all their sleep! 🤣

In the end, this whole experience was clearly a gift although it didn’t seem like it at the time. It forever changed me. It taught me true humility and compassion. It also gave me the courage that I had been lacking for a long time.

I think of these ladies often and if it wasn’t for their support and kindness that they showed me, I think it would have been the final nail in my coffin and this experience would have broke me for good…but instead, they breathed life back into me when I was suffocating, reignited my fire that had long since been burned out and put me back together again piece by piece in those four days…they were mad as hell for me and told me that I should be too.

They helped me remember who I was….and whenever I think about Rhythm telling me that my BOUGIE ass didn’t belong there…it still makes me smile.